So it seems however much Starfleet can be frustrating and unrewarding it is still a job!
It seems that it is better than working at HP. So in 2009 they got rid of staff from EDS, then announced redundancies earlier this year and now just announced another 1300 jobs will go and be off-shored (India). Which works out at about 4000 jobs in 2 years! WOW!
Maybe I won't moan quite as much! I said maybe
On other news the bedroom has been decorated (thanks to Father-in-laws) and today saw a carpet being laid. Now all I need to do is build the wardrobe, but Mrs Stretch decided that her sleep was more important than my late night shift at putting those together. It is mostly due to her being ill and it would have given me a night off IF work was not too much and I have just spent the last 2 hours getting the niggly bits out of the way to clear my day for the deluge that I need to work through. (Most not moan!)
Many of you may have wondered why Stretch has not been able to post for many days......
ReplyDeleteI am having to make this post on his behalf on an anonymous basis for reasons that will become apparent in the following sentences.
But first, how did information about Mr Stretch's activities come in to my hands? Have you ever come across a message in a bottle or a label tied to a balloon? Well basically there was a hastily scribbled note saying tidy this up and post it at this url. PS tell Mrs Stretch and the kids that I miss them.
Unfortunately the "message in a bottle" was retrieved from a cowpat and some of the text was somewhat obscured so the accuracy of the following has yet to be confirmed.
As you may be aware Mr Stretch works for Star fleet and is a loyal and dedicated employee. He has recently been taking grave steps to ensure that his work / life balance does not become .... "out of balance" and therefore decided to accept an invitation from one of his colleagues to a Harry Potter fancy dress party. Not having a cape of invisibility or a pair of lens-less NHS specs, Stretch decided to go in a monkey suit as his favourite costume (lead singer of the 70's comedy trio; The Wurzels) was at the Dry Cleaners after an unfortunate incident involving too much cider, a large root vegetable and a sheep)was still at the Dry Cleaners (Eeezy-Cleene - no stain too small, no questions asked, confidentiality guaranteed)
Where was I? Oh Yes, the monkey suit - Well the "Do" was a straight out after work affair so Mr Stretch finished off his meeting and got changed in his cubicle - the girl in the cube next door has been complaining about this for some time but apparently he claims that is acceptable on cultural grounds and his underwear is always fresh. So Stretch, now attired as a gorilla, is walking out to meet up with his mates and has to stroll past the Star Fleet research labs .....
.... Unfortunately he does this just as the doors fly open and three real gorillas make a bid for escape having cunningly made a skeleton key from a fragment of plastic chewed from a toy.
I have managed to get hold of the CCTV footage of this and have to say that the capture scene is one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed - The fight Stretch put up was amazing - he has one hell of a right hook for such a gentle family man and if he carries on he will soon be The Silver Back.
To cut a long story short Stretch then spent a few days in a cage on the Banana and celery diet (keep the windows open) before taking a lead role in Star Fleet's newest venture.....
.... As we speak Mr Stretch is in a low earth orbit in a Star Fleet capsule evaluating the feasibility of Space Tourism. He managed to jot this note down on the back of a flight procedure manual and fire it out of the Space toilet..........
....... Come to think about it - I hope it was a cow pat I found it in.
Awesome!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThursday 21 Oct: I had to fight a rather irritated Herring Gull to get hold of Stretch's latest news from the capsule. This one was written on a discarded packet of dehydrated celery powder. It read as follows:-
ReplyDeleteTo Whosoever finds this, I have been cast adrift on this island in the widest of seas, where the stars are always shining and the Earth, my home, a distant orb in my sky (He's can be quite poetic cant he - I think he's missing the endless bullsh*t conference calls and inane requests).
Tell Mrs Stretch and the Boys that I love then and that the Gas Bill is due to be paid, Oh and I have some dry cleaning to pick up - the ticket is tucked in the frame of my favourite picture of Simon Cowell - the one I turn to face the wall before I sleep each night. How i miss home.
Here on the capsule things are going as well as can be expected and my two companions are fair company. The Big Male can be a bit Aggressive particularly when the Female moves anywhere near me but I'm sure we can sort this out. The nausea caused by zero G is starting to subside but I have to say they should have given more thought to the air recycling equipment as the atmosphere is a little foetid living with two 250lb herbivores.
The diet is challenging as there is only so much that one can do with re-hydrated celery and banana chips but I am hoping to make a drafts board and use the chips as playing pieces - lets hope Biffo and Buba (as I have called them)are smart enough to understand the "Huffing" Rule.
Contents: 250g
Rehydrate with 0.65 l de-ionised water
Developed for NASA
Expiry date: June 1972
It's impressive that stretch has still managed to find a way to blog even though he's "off world". And so lucky that his messages are reaching theBadMan. I do hope he can keep it up.
ReplyDelete